Evaluation & Analysis

3D

Content 6/10

Organisation 6/10

Language Use 5/10

1. “I am the highly analytical, detail-oriented and hard-working person I have superior technical and scientific abilities.”

• Too many descriptive words
• Sentence structure
• Punctuation
• Repetitive

2. “Of course, developed devices then require testing of the prototypes, which I carry out in the

laboratory to ensure they are function proper.”

• Tone
• Sentence structure

3. “I enjoy working as a mechanical engineer. Because I find it gratifying to be able to solve complex problems.”

• Connecting words

4. No examples

• There should be relevant examples to support his strengths

5. “I would like to schedule an interview”

• Use words that allows the reader to make the decision

6. He uses multiple of “I”s.

7. Structure / organization of the letter:

• Subject (Put in the role that he wants to apply instead of job application)
• Sincerely (Should be comma for consistency)
• Signing off (not a need to put address)

3E

Content 6/10

Organisation 7/10

Language Use 7/10

1. Content is too long winded and no factual statements to support his proposal.

• Numbers
• Dates
• Costs

     2. Last paragraph should be one sentence eg. “Your consideration of my proposal is greatly appreciated”

     3. Addition of enclosure: “Enclosure: Proposal”